I really appreciate you taking the time to give these details. While we do have the ability for you to collect RSVPs for multiple guests in one place, and to ask your guests about allergies/meal choices/restrictions, it is apparent it is not as visible as we would like it to be. We will be taking this under advisement so we can make these features more user friendly.
I had the same frustration as you guys. However, what you need to do is create the contacts first (under all individuals) and then you can select which events which contacts are invited to. If you do it this way, when someone RSVPs it shows them each event to RSVP in succession. Conversely, if you create a contact within each event, it effectively creates multiple contacts, hence the confusion. Hope this helps!